The voices in my head VS the words on my screen

I’ve known that I wanted to be a writer since I was a child. It is one of the things that I was immensely drawn to. I have memories of being sprawled on the carpet, taking in millions of words while I allowed the heat from the fireplace to put me in a meditative state. Years later, I get to write for a living which is something I am grateful for. I’ve never had to do any other kind of work, except for a short stint as a promotions girl in university.

What I didn’t know back then when I was lying on my parents’ floor is that writing isn’t for the faint hearted. I didn’t know just how many times I would hear that an article wasn’t good enough; I didn’t know how many hours would be spent questioning my ability and having to write any of my ego issues away. If you’ve ever done some re-writes (and I don’t know anyone who hasn’t), you’ll know that voice of self-doubt that can creep in and almost be paralysing if not exorcised with more writing.

I come to this point many times. Last year sometimes, I complained that I’d lost my voice, I didn’t even know what it sounded like anymore – this can be one of the downsides of working for a big brand with a definite writing pattern. I promised I would hunt for that voice, no matter how many badly written pieces would have to come out of me. I didn’t.

Now, I’m at a new job, still looking for my voice. You would think it’s not that hard to find but it seems to be for me right now. So like I promised myself last year, I will write every day, write stuff that has nothing to do with my work, just ramblings, random thoughts, random bits of writing because writers write right?

The voices in my head VS the words on my screen

I’ve known that I wanted to be a writer since I was a child. It is one of the things that I was immensely drawn to. I have memories of being sprawled on the carpet, taking in millions of words while I allowed the heat from the fireplace to put me in a meditative state. Years later, I get to write for a living which is something I am grateful for. I’ve never had to do any other kind of work, except for a short stint as a promotions girl in university.

What I didn’t know back then when I was lying on my parents’ floor is that writing isn’t for the faint hearted. I didn’t know just how many times I would hear that an article wasn’t good enough; I didn’t know how many hours would be spent questioning my ability and having to write any of my ego issues away. If you’ve ever done some re-writes (and I don’t know anyone who hasn’t), you’ll know that voice of self-doubt that can creep in and almost be paralysing if not exorcised with more writing.

I come to this point many times. Last year sometimes, I complained that I’d lost my voice, I didn’t even know what it sounded like anymore – this can be one of the downsides of working for a big brand with a definite writing pattern. I promised I would hunt for that voice, no matter how many badly written pieces would have to come out of me. I didn’t.

Now, I’m at a new job, still looking for my voice. You would think it’s not that hard to find but it seems to be for me right now. So like I promised myself last year, I will write every day, write stuff that has nothing to do with my work, just ramblings, random thoughts, random bits of writing because writers write right?

Fear of Commitment

I think I fear commitment. Most people around me would probably disagree and it's probably not a statement that's entirely true. But when I look at mys history with blogging, I'm forced to at least entertain the idea of being a commitmentphobe. I always say I'll start and will spew out some sort of post and then I disappear, not looking back. Unlike my relationships where I fully commit until and only leave when it's a wrap , I dont commit here at all. Maybe it's coz I spend most of my days writing and by the time I'm done with my work stuff, I simply don't want to play. I also dont know just how true that is. I think I'm back now, I think so. So instead of commiting to anything, I'll just opt to see - that's usually worked out very well for me. Peace